Saturday, June 22, 2013

No more Mondays

First of all, hi!  Seems I come around every 6 months or so and dust off the cobwebs, lock the door and head out.  I have got to be better about that...but seriously, I am not a "blogger"...and I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing here.  Bear with me while I try to figure this all out again.  :)

Back in 2011 I started on a journey to lose weight.  My downfall came in that I tried to change everything all at once.  That overwhelmed me and I became discouraged and gave up.  I kept trying to restart, but kept overwhelming myself.  I have this quirk that I can only start new things on Mondays.  So I'd start on Monday...mess up on Wednesday...and fall off the wagon promising to try again the next Monday.  I got tired of the cycle and I decided I was just going to have to be okay with being bigger than I liked.  After all, everyone in my family is I was just genetically doomed.

Moving to Japan has been quite an experience in a lot of ways.  There are so very few overweight people here.  I always feel like I'm being stared at or judged for being overweight (though I'm probably not.  More often than not I'm actually ignored.).  Even with the Americans here on base there are far fewer overweight people than on a base stateside.  It makes me feel pretty self-conscious, and I have a pretty negative level of self esteem to begin with.  

At the end of April I wound up in the UCC for a migraine that had been going on for 4 days and would not stop.  I was given medicines and able to rest awhile.  The doctor came in the room, looked at me and point blank said "Mrs Bennett, you're obese".  We talked about ways I needed to work on changing that, and how to stop my migraines.  It wasn't intentional...but that was the last day I drank a Coke.  Quitting Coke turned out to be a blessing in disguise though, because it made me make better food choices.  A juicy cheeseburger just does not pair well with a glass of water.  Coke was like my "gateway drink"...leading me to bad food choices.   I didn't work out or anything.  Just stopped my 3 a day Coke habit. 

Then someone from church posted pictures from the Mother's Day service and I was just appalled at how big I was.  I just stared at the pictures and cried.  How did this happen? I have a million and one excuses.  My parents are never, ever, ever getting back together. I'm just supposed to be fat.  It's genetic.  I moved halfway around the world. I’m tired. I’ve been sick a ton. I lost nearly every friend I had in Ohio which left me seriously depressed. I just had zero motivation. I left church for a while. It felt like I lost myself for a long while.  

At the end of May, The Hubs explained to me that I had already taken one big step in getting myself healthier, so I could take another one.  I started reading Candace Cameron Bure's book "Reshaping it All". It's about putting God at the forefront of my struggles.  Learning how to do that has helped immensely!  If It weren't for His giving me self-control, there is no way I could pass up Coke or chocolate.  My food choices are much more intentional, and I praise Him before every meal for helping me.  I plan on reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst next.  My best friend talked me into running the stairs in our building with her.  The first night I thought I was going to die. When we finished I came back to my house and just collapsed in the floor.  But the next night she pushed me again.  For a month now she's been pushing me nearly every day to work out.  I even put on my "big girl panties" and went to the gym to lift weights.  

Two weeks ago I decided to make another small change.  I knew I was burning calories, but I had no idea how many I was eating.  I started to track my food and was shocked!  No wonder my body was holding on to everything!  I was eating only about 700 calories a day, not anywhere near enough for my body to thrive.  It took some doing, but I'm now making sure to eat between 1200-1700 calories a day.  I've had a few bad days where I don't get enough in...but I've not gone over yet.  The funny thing is even though I'm eating more...I feel lighter, and I have more energy.  

The 28th is the end of my first month of working out.  The Hubs made me a deal that if I stuck it out, come next month he'd do Couch 2 5K with me.  I've not run since high school, and I'm afraid I'll hold him back.  He's so proud of me, and so supportive and he doesn't care.  He just wants to help me.  My next "weigh in day" is the 28th as well, and The Hubs will also track my measurements.  I think it's been easier this time because I've taken it in small bites.  Just tiny changes at a time. 

Even if I have a tiny mess up, I just keep going right after it.  No more Mondays for me.  :)

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